My Mother
by Jasmin Kaiba
Summary: This is the story tied to 'Rain'. It starts on the October, 19; Sakura Kaiba's eighteenth birthday. Her father gives her the diary of her deceased mother and Sakura lives that day in the memories of her mother's, it changes the slightly spoiled Sakura.
1. Sakura Kaiba

**MY MOTHER**

**by Jasmin Kaiba**

**Chap.1 : Sakura Kaiba**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! nor its characters and I'm not making any profit out of this piece of fanfiction. I DO own the plot, and Sakura and Selene Kaiba, they're my own characters.**

**AN: This is the story tied to 'Rain'. It starts on the October, 19; Sakura Kaiba's eighteenth birthday. Her father gives her the diary of her deceased mother and Sakura lives that day in the memories of her mother's, it changes the slightly spoiled Sakura completely. The POVs will change between Sakura's and Anzu's. Anzu's is in italics.**

**Reviews for 'Rain':**

_**journey maker**_**: This is an absolutely beautifully written story of the love of a mother for her daughter. I cried so hard as she read her mother's diary and when she looked outside adn saw Kaiba standing in the rain looking up knowing that he missed her mother so well I completely fell apart. I love this story..**

_**Reply: **_**Thank you very much. I hope you like this story too. Hope to hear from you!**

_**DarkenDepths: **_**Don't know why but it reminded me of my first moment with her. **

**Dancing in the cold rain. How insane I was...**

**The ending caught me off guard though. Sorrowful but it worked and flowed good. **

**Dark **

_**Reply: **_**Really? Funny, dancing in the rain was one of the first romantic parts in our relationship... Insane? I still say it's romantic.**

**Com'on Dark, you should know me by now, my stories are never what they seemed in the beggining, you know that, I ALWAYS do something to give it an completely other light in the end.**

**I sure do hope, you take a bit of your time to read this too.**

**I'll talk to you later, I'm only wasting space here.**

**Love Jas**

_**g**__**reeneyeswhitedragon: **_**Wow! I can't wait to read more into this because this just leave me full of thoughts, like how did Anzu die, when did they get together, etc etc. I really look forward to this next story!:)**

_**Reply: **_**Thank you very much! Here's the acctual story. Hope you like it and it answers your questions. Hope to hear from you!**

_**Pharoahess016**___**This is beautiful! I look forward to your story.**

_**Reply: **_**Thank you very much! Here's the acctual story. Hope you like it. Hope to hear from you!**

_**drkmagiciangrl25**___**I like it. Poor Seto and Sakura. Why did Anzu die? Keep up the good work!**

_**Reply: **_**Thank you very much! Here's the acctual story. Hope you like it and it answers your questions. Hope to hear from you!**

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It's raining again... I don't know why I keep hoping that it won't rain on my birthday. It has been like that since I can remember... I hate it...

My dad's another story, he seems to love the rain. How can someone love the rain? I know I can't, it's ruined EVERY single one of my birthdays...

Oh, by the way, my name is Sakura Kaiba. I'm Seto Kiaba's daughter, his only child, and the apple of his eye, as he likes to say. Today is my birthday, I'm now eighteen. Something's special about this day, Selene said so. Selene is my aunt, the wife of my uncle Mokuba and she's something like my best friend, even if she's 12 years older then me. I adore her, she's so cool. She's the kind of girl that does her own thing, no mater how wierd some people might find it. She's always arguing with dad, but I know that they love each other, she's the one girl who tolarates all his moods, where even I fail, and Mokuba is crazy over her, she's too cool to say so out loud but I know she's crazy about him too.

If you're wondering, I don't have a mother. She died 14 years ago. I don't remember her, I was too young. Her name was Anzu, she was dad's best friend, first and only love. He never married after her, I don't think I would have tolerated another woman. Not because I don't think any is up to par with my mother, but because I'm the lady in the house here, and ho whimp like that Serenity Wheeler is going to change that. I may not know much about my mother, but I know that she was a thousand times better then Serenity, and I told dad so, put in that he'd be dishonoring my mother's memory by marrying someone not good enough to lick boots, for good measures. I think that got him to dump her sorry ass. I never liked her. She may have been my mother's friend, but it doesn't mean she's as good as my mother was.

Everybody always tell me how much like my mother I am, dad adds in that I'm spoiled, but he agrees. The woman on the photographs does really look me, or rather I like her. Sparkling ocean eyes, brown hair, alabastar skin, prfect features, a lithe body. That's my description and that of my mother. Mokuba says I behave a lot like her too. They all make her perfect, and if I'm like that then that means I'm perfect too. Good enough for me..

My birthaday present from dad was mom's diary. I'm not really interested in what her life was like. I don't know her, I don't think I can love her as much as dad would like. But I'll read it anyway.

_October, 24_

_Life's been getting complicated the last days. Since I met HIM again. Seto Kaiba. It has been two years and five days ago I see him again._

_It was raining, I was running late for my shift in the hospital when I turned the corner and bumped into someone's chest. I was in a too big of a hurry to even look up, so I just yelled an apology and wanted to be on my way, when his soothing, deep voice, made me turn around and look at him._

_"__Such a hectic is not suitable for a rainy day. Rain is cleanesing, and soothing, you should enjoy it, not run away from it."_

_He hasn't changed much, at least not in his looks, they're still as perfect as ever. Dark brown hair fell over stormy blue eyes, bronze skin, strong jaw, high cheekbones,_ _broad shoulders, strong arms, hard chest, toned stomach, narrow hips, long legs; Seto Kiaba was and is the most beautiful man I ever layed my eyes on._

_He recognizen me too and we got to talk. I completely forgot abou my candy-stripper shift in the hospital. We spent the day in cozy little coffe shop, talking._

_He really changed a lot. We talked about everything, even our past, without him sounding like his old self. I really enjoed spending time with him. He invited me too dinner today._

_I have to get ready now, or I'll be late. Don't want him waiting for me._

_It's raining again, strange..._

_Anzu_

My dad and his obssession with rain... They met again on the day of my birthday and it rained even back then? Is this day cursed or something? I hate rain...

My dad and most beautiful man? I beg to differ. But I guess to my mum he would be. He's good looking, yes, but there're better. Well he IS my father...

I'll just read more. This should take a while.

Oh, dad's out again, standing in the rain. What's with that man and rain?

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**AN: That's the first chapter. I hope you liked it. The second will be coming out soon, promise.**

**Jas**


	2. Selene Kaiba

**Chap. 2: Selene Kaiba**

**Reviews for chapter 1:**

_**DarkenDepths:**_** It rains too much here to even care about. Seriously there has only been ten days of no rain in a row here. Guess what? That happened in the 1980's. **

**But rain stands for purity, tranquility, and serenity.**

**By the way, I liked how you added Serenity in there. Nice. **

**Keep on writing Jas. I look forward to reading and taking in your words. It distracts me from the chaos around me like a good book should. :)**

**Dark**

_**Reply: **_**Thank you for your review, Dark. You didn't have to read this, the situation and everything... But I guess it can distract you for a few minutes.**

**I love rain, I don't know why, maybe because my birthday is in autumn (Sakura's b'day is my own :P).**

**You know I hate Serenity and I take every chance to belittle her... ******

**I'll keep on writing, even if only for you, you know that. I'm happy you like my writing and even happier if it can help distract you. But a good book? I'm far from that status.**

**Do you want me to change Selene's name? I just didn't have the nerves to think, and Selene sounded right. Just say the word, I'll change it.**

**Jas**

_**Nightfall2525:**_** i love it so how did Tea died?**

**is the reason Seto loves the rain is that Tea did or that it reminds him of the first time they made love as the rain fall around them?**

**will please update ASAP like tomorrow **

_**Reply: **_**Thx for your review. How she died will come as the story progresses. The reason Seto loves the rain, too. I can only say that it goes in his past, his childhood.**

**I update as soon as I can, I really try, but Earased Future takes up most my time. But I'll give my best to update as soon as I can.**

**Jas**

_**journey maker:**_** I'm glad that you did a sequel and that Sakura can get to know her mother and how much she loved her and Seto. It must be so hard for her to realize why her father has this thing for the rain but she has to realize that it was raining when they first met and how much her mom loved the rain for that very reason. In someways this story makes me think of the song "Holes in the floor of Heaven." I love this story. Please update when you can...**

_**Reply: **_**Thx for your review. This sequel was the first story that came to me. I wrote 'Rain' to introduce this. Yup, you understand the point behind the rain thing and the story, but the reason Seto loves it will come later. Huh, I don't know that song, could you send me the lyrics, and maybe I can make something out of it. I'm glad you like the story.**

**Here's the update ******

**Jas**

_**Pharoahess016:**_** You're off to a great start. Just be careful when typing, sometimes you leave a letter out of a word. I'll be waiting for chapter 2! **

_**Reply: **_**Thx for your review. I'm glad you think so. That typing... No matter how careful I am, something always goes wrong... :P Here's chap 2!**

**Jas**

_**The Duelist's Heiress:**_** This seems interesting. Of course this is coming from an authress who loves father and daughter fics. Can't wait for more.**

**Sincerely,**

**The Duelist's Heiress**

_**Reply: **_**Thank you for your review. It is good to know that you find it interesting. I myself love father and daughter fics, I have a great relationship with my own; it is easy to project that feeling onto the paper.**

**Jasmin Kaiba**

**(Geez, you make me want to speak like a British noble-woman... ******

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I was interrupted in my reading by the door opening. There stood Selene, I can't describe what she looked like, her expression changed every second.

She came in and sat down next to me, on my bed. I sat up and turned to face her fully. I didn't have to ask what it was, she had her doctor's appointment today. It seems the results are there.

She took in a deep breath and said, "I am."

I couldn't control myself, I started jumping around and shouting: "I'M GONNA BE A BIG SISTER!!!"

Selene sweat-dropped and pulled me down by my arm, "Geez, Saki, calm down. And don't say you're going to be a sister. The people are thinking I'm cheating on your Uncle with your Father as it is, if you start saying you're the baby's sister, they'll say that I'm carrying Seto's child. As much as I respect your Father and love him like a brother, I shudder at the thought of having to sleep with him in order to conceive a child..."

Trust Selene to sound so cool about it. She and Mokuba wanted a child since a few years and now she sounds like it's her fifth or something. That woman can cover every single of her emotions, it's creepy sometimes.

"You know, Saki, your Mother would have loved to hear I'm with child. She loved children very much. She was overjoyed when she found out she was pregnant for the first time. When you were born... There's no way to describe how happy she looked and your Father too. You meant everything to your mother. I miss her terribly."

I looked at Selene and didn't understand what all those things had to mean. Why did the wife of my Uncle love my Mother so much?

"Selene, why do you love my Mum so much?"

Selene looked at me with gentle lavender orbs, something rare for her, her eyes are always filled with mischief and self-confidence.

"I never told you this, honey, neither did Mokuba nor Seto, but Anzu was my cousin. I really adored her when I was little. You know, she's the one who introduced me to Mokuba. Mokuba and I played matchmaker on her and Seto and later on she played matchmaker on me and Mokuba. Anzu practically raised me, I lost my Mum really early, she died giving me birth, Aunt Tomoyo, Anzu's Mother had very little time to spare and Anzu took care of me. She's responsible that I'm the way I am. I'm very grateful to her. Now I feel like I'm retuning a favor. Don't get me wrong, Saki, I love you, but that's only part reason why I'm taking care of you."

Then she winked at me. Wow, my Mum's cousin, no wonder she knows her so well. Mum playing matchmaker? I always pictured Mum serious, quite, demure, something to fit in with my Dad. How could someone who was probably a lot like Selene have fitted in my Dad's world?

"I'm going to tell the news to the boys, Saki. You continue reading that, k?"

I just nodded and Selene left me alone once again. I kept on wondering about my Mum, till I decided that I don't know enough about her and that I definitely want to know more about her. Now she intrigues me. But with all of that I still don't see what role the rain plays in all of this. Why would Mum love the rain so much? Why would Dad? He's a person who hates all things that have no practical use, to him at least, and I don't think rain is useful.

Maybe the diary will tell me more.

But wait a sec, Mum wrote they met AGAIN. Does that mean they knew each other from before Mum started this diary? I knew I should have asked Dad or Mokuba about those things. And what role has Yugi played in their lives? Or Joey? Or Serenity? Or Tristan? Or Duke? Or Mai?

Ok, the diary won't answer all these; I'll have to talk to Dad, or maybe Mokuba. They should be able to tell me more, most likely Dad. I'll have to be persistent; Dad doesn't like talking about the past. Well he'll have to!

I went to the window and opened it.

"Dad! Come in here, I have to ask you something! Come in the house you'll get a cold, old man!"

I know he's not really all that old, but I like to tease him. He gets angry when I call him 'old man' and starts rambling how women are still turning around on the street to watch after him, or how the maids stare at his chest or butt, how he could get any woman he wanted. My favorite come-back to that is all the women want his money, not hard to get them all when you're filthy rich. He gets even angrier and tells about his fan girls in high-school.

I once made the mistake of asking if Mum was a fan girl too, and he leashed out. Only Selene prevented him from slapping me. Later I learned that my Dad respected my Mother above all else and that the proud Anzu Mazaki would've bitten in her own butt before fangirling Seto Kaiba. I was fourteen and didn't know anything about Mum. I tried apologizing to Dad, I didn't want him angry at me, I love him more then anything, but he told me, rather coldly, that I never seemed interested in my Mum and shouldn't make jokes about people I don't know.

Later he came to me and apologized. He said that Mum was his life for a very long time and it's still hard to accept that she's gone.

I think, I'm beginning to understand what he meant. I think I miss you, Mum.

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**AN: Thx for all your reviews, I'm looking forward to more of them.**

**Love,**

**Jas**


	3. Anzu Mazaki

**Chap. 3: Anzu Mazaki**

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**Reviews for chapter 2:**

_**The Duelist's Heiress: **_**I'm loving your story still, and it's really good. I hope your story continues as well as it's going now. I'm enjoying the story.**

**TDH**

_**Reply: **_**I'm glad you like it. I hope so too. Glad you're enjoying it.**

**Jas**

_**journey maker: **_**I'm glad that Saki is understanding more about who her mom was from talking to Selene. I love this story.. Please update when you can...**

_**Reply: **_**Yeah, she begins to understand some things. I'm glad you love it. It was a little longer then I wanted, I'll make sure the next one comes quicker.**

**Jas**

_**DarkenDepths: **_**Well, I need something to do to distract me from my life. Why not read something? Besides the SAT books that are four inches thick... **

**And don't say that you are below status of writing a good book. Almost anyone can write a book. It takes a little bit of a drive and inspiration to get a good one though as you know but I think you can. **

**I don't mind if you keep Selene there. I was actually surprised that you found a place for her or wrote of her at all. **

**Cool you inserted a bit of yourself into this one. Autumn...lucky. I'm stuck with dead winter for my birthday. Kind of suits me though. There's barely any sun. **

**You guess it distracts me? It totally distracts me with how incredibly long it is! ...sarcasm doesn't work I know but I just want you to take the slight hint.**

**Dark**

_**Reply: **_**Glad to be of some help. If any, but still. Thanks for your faith in me little bro, I'll make sure not to disappoint you. About Selene, I needed a name, her seemed sensible. I always insert something of myself in my stories; I'm even thinking of an author-insert, what do you think?**

**Now you're an observer. I always write short and to the point. But I'll try and make it longer, promise.**

**Jas**

_**Nightfall2525: **_**you so know how to make a girl cry**

_**Reply: **_**What did I do??**

_**Pharoahess016**_**: This story is very sweet and I'll definitely keep reading to find out what happens! Nice touch with the teasing at the end.**

_**Reply: **_**Thanks. I hope you stick with this story, I appreciate every single reviewer. Thanks for the praise.**

**Jas**

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_October, 30_

_I've been seeing Kaiba frequently since he took me out to dinner few nights ago. We go eat lunch, dinner, a coffee and cake, he took me to the theater yesterday night, a ballet dance, it was beautiful, three days ago he even took me dancing, it was great. I never knew that Kaiba was such a great dancer. Kaiba... He insists I call him Seto, but it's hard after years of calling him Kaiba. His name is nice, Seto, and I like how he calls me Anzu. I never liked my name more then as I heard it roll from his lips..._

_People would say that it's normal to begin feeling this way after being on several dates and all, but we weren't on dates, we went out as friends and nothing more. Here wasn't a kiss, or holding hands or anything, we were just friends._

_It's hard to be friends with him. It's hard for me because I think I have fallen in love with him, and still when someone asks about our relationship I answer that it's platonic and we're only friends. I don't know if I can live with that, loving him, yet calling him my friend, claiming that there is nothing between us but friendship when his name ignites a fire in me and my lips long for his... I feel like a hypocrite._

_Today I was with him again. I couldn't stand being without him on this rainy day, so I took my umbrella, deciding to walk and went to his office. His secretary glared at me, as I told her I wanted to see Seto. Sarcasm was evident in her voice as she answered that 'Mr. Kaiba' was busy. Not wanting to ruin my mood by arguing with the stupid bimbo I did the next best thing, I took out my cell and called him. Not a second later he was coming out of the office, greeting me with a kiss on the cheek and I suppressed the childish urge to stuck my tongue at his shocked secretary as I returned his embrace. Needless to say that the incompetent idiot was fired, I hope the next one will be better._

_We went on a late lunch and spent the afternoon in a cozy little Italian place, chatting, the rain all the while falling. After we finally got out it was getting dark and we decided to walk through the park. As it would be the rain started falling harder as we got there. Seto, loving the rain, threw the umbrella away, held his hand out to me and whispered: "Dance with me?"_

_I was smitten the moment I looked at his face. The rain has turned his hair darker and plastered it to his forehead, his blue orbs barely visible yet blazing, drops of water running down his cheeks, a few down his nose and on his lips. I followed such a drop down his chin to his neck, where it run over the exposed portion of his chest his few open buttons offered and disappeared beneath the black material of his dress shirt. Oh how that wet material clung to his perfect form. Only an idiot would have said no, and I am no idiot._

_I nodded my head slowly and took me in his arms gently, whispering for me to relax and I did, melting in his embrace. I laid my head against his chest and placed my arms on his shoulders, letting him lead. Our dance was slow and sensual, to the rhythm of the falling rain and our hearts._

_After some time he buried his face in my neck, and his lips brushed my sensitive skin. One of my hands found his wet hair, toying with it, the other caressing the nape of his neck softly._

_We danced like what seemed hours to me, when he lifted his head and our foreheads met, his hand gently caressing my cheek. We gazed in each other's eyes and smiled, before his lips brushed against mine, softly seeking. Then again and again. I closed my eyes and looped my arms around his neck. He took that as invitation enough as lips pressed gently against mine a second later. The kiss was gentle and loving, meeting of lips on lips, brushing against each other, seeking something deeper. Then I felt his tongue at the corner of my mouth, begging entrance, I gave it to him without a second thought. Opening my lips slightly I encouraged him enough to slip his tongue gently between them. It rubbed against my gummed teeth, going deeper and tentatively touching my own. Our tongues met and caressed each other gently, slowly, dancing sensually in my mouth, before Seto got bolder and began exploring every crevice of my wet, warm mouth. I moaned deep in throat as Seto sucked my tongue in his mouth and the dance continued._

_Unfortunately humans have to breathe, and our lips parted with a soft gasp as the need for air became too strong to ignore. We were at a loss for words as our eyes met, but the silence wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. It felt right. No words were needed, when souls spoke so clearly._

_We were soaked to the bone and pretty chilled, but neither of us wanted to move, we just stood there, gazing in each other's eyes as the rain fell around us. It was as if we knew that when we parted we'd have to be like before, just friends and pretend that the kiss never happened. We weren't ready for something as big as this thing forming between us, so it was just natural for Seto to stand upright again, take my hand in his and lead me to his penthouse apartment, not far from Central Park._

_Still without a word between us, we enter the lobby and man in expensive suite begins fawning around Seto who just ignores him and leads me to the elevators. A few minutes later we're inside his luxurious apartment, where he leads me up a flight of stairs to his bedroom, points to a door and handing me a white shirt and pair of boxers tells me to take a shower, he'll be in the other bathroom, downstairs._

_I do as he says, but instead of showering decide on soaking for a bit in the big bath-tub and think._

_After I'm done I wrap a deep blue towel around my hair put on his boxers that barely hold on my hips and the white shirt that reaches almost my knees and is way too wide, but it smells of him and I feel comfortable. I throw my clothes in the dryer and exit the bathroom after grabbing a brush. I pause in his bedroom and look around. The walls are a icy blue that reminds me of his eyes, the furniture white, the bed is big and looks comfortable, the comforter at the foot is a deep indigo blue, the sheets white and pillows blue with white designs. Two white nightstands are on the each side, the right is facing the balcony doors, on the left nightstand is an alarm-clock and phone. He sleeps on the left side; I always sleep on the right. I blush at that thought and pad downstairs to stop on the last stair and look at him. He was wearing a pair of black swat-pants and a dark blue loose t-shirt and sitting barefoot on the floor, back leaning against a couch, facing the fire blazing in the fireplace._

_He heard me and looked in my direction. He clearly gave me a once-over, to see how I look in his shirt, barefoot, but I didn't feel uncomfortable at all. I just smiled and walked over to him still holding the brush. I sat down next to him and notice two mugs of hot chocolate on the floor between us, I smile appreciately and sip on the sweet drink before letting the towel fall from my hair and brushing it. Suddenly, Seto's hand grabbed mine and I looked up. He just gestured for me to turn around and I did, giving him my back. Then the brush was gone from gone from my hand and I felt him run it through my hair slowly. I smiled and leaned back slightly, enjoying the feel of his fingers combing through my still damp hair._

_We sat there in front of the fire for a long time, my head against his shoulder, his arm around my waist, not a word was said, and we simply enjoyed each other's company._

_Then Seto stood slowly up, bringing me with him and pointing to the stairs, saying to go to sleep, he'll just crash on the couch. I was too sleepy to argue and after a lazy kiss to his lips I made my way upstairs. Once comfortably in bed I took out my diary from my bag, and here I am, sitting on his bed with the sheets of Egyptian cotton and writing. _

_It's time to get some sleep, goodnight,_

_Anzu._

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I put down the diary and sighed. This entry was almost a romance story, how Mum described their dance and kiss and events after in full detail. She must have loved Dad very much even then. But New York? I never knew they were in New York.

I'm slowly beginning to understand who you were, Mum, and I regret never meeting you.

I'm starting to cry. I love you Mum.

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**AN: That's chapter 3! I hope it was long enough for you, Dark. Please review and tell me what you think.**

**Love, Jas **


	4. Duel Monsters

**Chap. 4: Duel Monsters**

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**_Pharoahess016_****: How romantic! I loved this chapter.**

**_Reply_: Thanks, it was meant to be romantic. I hope you like this chapter too.**

**_The Duelist's Heiress_****: So cute. I love the romance.**

**TDH**

**_Reply_: Thanks. I love the romance too. Hope you like this chapter, too.**

**Jas**

**_DarkenDepths_****: I sometimes forget that it's a diary entry instead of the moment itself by the way you write. Ok, I'm working so i'll make this quick. **

**It was full in depth detail (strength) there's some errors but don't mind them (99 correct) and keep writing.**

**I hate how my jutsu is useless against Sleipher's Wu... Anyways i like how you placed her emotions all goud and stuff. Yehajh!**

**Dark**

**_Reply_: It was meant to be that way. It's something big for Anzu and she sees it as she writes. Slacking of work, ts, ts, ts. Shame on you :) **

**Ah who cares about the errors...**

**Dear brother, I have no idea what your talking about... Thanks**

**Jas**

**_journey maker_****: Great Chapter.. You really know how to write a great story.. As I read this chapter, I started to cry because of the love that was between her parents and even though her mom is dead she can still imagine how much they loved each other.. Please update when you can...**

**_Reply_: Wow, thanks for the praise. If you cried at the last one, you'll be drowning in tears at the end of this one, just a warning. But anyway, here's the update, enjoy!**

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I brushed the tears from my face just as Dad came in, rubbing a towel in his hair. I smiled at him and he smiled back, his hair in a unusual disorder, but I let that slide for the moment. He sat down next to me, the smile still on his face.

"What did you want, sweety?"

Dad is always so soft towards me, but I think I'll have to be extra sweet, to get him to talk about his past.

"Daddy, why don't you tell me how you met Mommy?"

Even at eighteen I'm still good at this cute little girl stuff, must have something to do with my so-called 'baby face'. But I see Dad's face darken, his eyes leave mine. He doesn't like talking about the days before he Mum got together, but I need to know.

"Daddy, onegai..."

Insert here puppy eyes and stuck out lower lip and write '**score**!' over my forehead in big, bold, red letters.

"I don't know, honey. I really don't feel like talking about it..."

Damn! That man sure is stubborn! But I know how to break his every resolve. I really, really want to know this.

"But Daddy, I want to know Mommy, and the diary isn't from after you met again. I want to know everything about Mommy, what she liked, who her friends were, what she did... Pretty please, Daddy..."

I think this did it. You can now write that score on my face. Yup, the slouched shoulders, the far away look, he gives up. I win! This is stupid I know, but I just relish in the thought that I can bring the great Seto Kaiba to his knees. Like said, I know it's stupid...

"Okay... What do you want to know?"

I grin again, but hide it well. Now to ask all those questions.

"Everything! But first of, why do you like rain so much?"

Dad took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Why do I have the feeling that I won't enjoy this victory very much?

"When I was a little boy, I used to hate rain because I thought that the sky was sad, but my Mum loved it. Somehow everything started for me on a rainy day... When I was five, my best friend died on a heart disease, it was raining that day, and I was crying. Mom took me aside and told me not to be sad, because the rain is really my best friend crying because I'm sad and he can't be with me. She told me that the rain was good and that I should know when it rains that a beloved person watches over me from Heaven. I was six when she died, giving birth to Mokuba, it was raining that day too, but I enjoyed it, knowing it was Mom watching over us, crying because she had to leave us. Four years later my Dad was killed in a accident, it was raining too, and I told Mokuba what Mom told me.

Almost every day in the orphange was rainy, and I loved it that way, the days I spent with Guzaburo were filled with the tears of Heaven as well, and I enjoyed it, knowing tha Mom, Dad and Kiro are watching over me and Mokuba.

I was fourteen and entered Konoha High when I met your mother. She was a beautiful sight. She looked just like my mother, and as she extended her hand, smiling and saying er name was Anzu Mazaki, and she was pleased to meet me, the sun disappeared behind the clouds and it started to rain. I knew that this meeting was blessed.

I was instantly in love with Anzu Mazaki, but Guzaburo taught me to hide my feelings, and I was a good student. I didn't help that she was friends with a little midget named Yugi Muto. Later the two became friends with Joey Wheeler, who was in my eyes a worthless dog, and Tristan Taylor, in my opinion a violent idiot with bad hair. Your mother, of course disagreed. As it would be, we'll get to argue much in the future, and I would find myself on the receiving end of her friendship speeches (how I hated those), or her shrill screaming. I insulted her fiends, Joey tried to insult back, but didn't have enough brain, and when he tried getting violent, Tristan would hold him off and Anzu would scold me, insult me or scream at me. I often asked myself whatever happened to 'pleased to meet you, Seto-kun'.

Then Yugi started using the power of his puzzle and Atem beat me in a duel. Everything changed after that. The only time I beat Atem, was in Duelist Kingdom, but I basically cheated, and got myself on the recieving end on one of Anzu's speeches. But that one had consistence and really opened my eyes to some things. I'll never forget how she asked me what I have at the end of the day. I was too proud to admit that the question hurt me, and I coldly answered 'everything that I need'. I was lying, of course. But I needed to save Mokuba. Her face was the last I saw after I lost against Pegasus and he locked my mind in the Shadow Realm.

I saw Anzu and her gang of misfits again in Battle City. She was older and more beautiful, but more disinterested in me as well. Atem was the only person she had eyes for. How I hated that blasted Pharaoh! But she saved Mokuba's life. Of course I had to repay her somehow, and a perfect opportunity was presented to as I saw her tied to chair with a container hanging over her head. With the help of my Blue Eyes, a remote controlled helicopter and a good placed knee-kick to a RareHunter's face, I saved her life. And she thanked Mokuba!

And then Noa trapped us in his poorly made Virtual World. The beginning was funny, with the very obvious holographs and how Anzu went to smell on a holographic flower, saw 'me' behind said flower, asked how 'I' changed clothes so quickly, then saw the real me standing not a few feet away from her, and scrambled like a crab away from the holographic me. I'll never forget that scene in my whole life...

I saw her duel that crazy penguin freak and was scared shitless that she'll lose, but she did it, somehow. I swear, that girl couldn't duel to save her life! We found each other again, some time later, after I won my own duel. Then Noa took Mokuba. I wanted to run right away and search for him, she tried to stop me, but I did it anyway, she took off right after me.

Then I dueled Noa. He cheated and turned me and Mokuba to stone. I heard her cry out when I turned into a statue.

Atem dueled Noa after me. Noa turned his friends one after the other to stone because they wouldn't shut up. Anzu was the last one, but she cheered on the loudest.

Then I had to duel Gozaburo to get out of the virtual world. I almost wouldn't have made it, if Yugi didn't help me. I remember running to our air ship after we escaped, we only had seconds. Mokuba couldn't run anymore, I flung him up and Duke caught him, Joey helped Yugi. I myself almost lost all hope of escaping, but then I saw her scared face and jumped with all my power. I landed on my knees before her feet. I felt in that moment that I belonged there. On my knees before her. But I had to hurry and save our lives.

The rest of the finals were uneventful, aside form Marik wanting to kill us all. Then I got to duel Atem again. They weren't there. Marik has locked Joey's mind in the Shadow Realm and they took care of him. But at the end of Battle City they were there, and I could feel her gaze on me, even as she congratulated Atem, I could see her looking at me, almost as if saying 'you would deserve to win, but he has to save the world'.

And I thought that it would be the last time I saw her as I sneaked a peak at her as I sped away with Mokuba, to build on KaibaLand. Now I should have known better. We were talking about Yugi here, I could possibly calculate when the next catastrophe would occur. And I wan't wrong. Not long after the events of BattleCity, duel monsters begun to attack the earth and I 'knew' I would be seeing Yugi and all of them again. And I was right.

But first there was that freak of nature, Alister. He blamed me for what Gozaburo did to him and challenged me to a duel. The first time we drew a tie. Short after, I found out that someone bought out KaibaCorp. and that was when I met with Yugi and the others again. Correction, I met Atem and the others, Yugi wasn't there, Atem lost a duel, Yugi lost his soul. Anzu was probably the only one not blaming Atem for the whole incident, she was in love with him after all. That was also the time I overheard Joey teasing Anzu about all the time she spent with Atem alone, and I wanted to destroy something, preferably that puzzle that contained Atem's spirit.

Back in civilization we split again, to come together once more for Atem's and mine final duel against Dartz. That was a frea of nature, but I got my KaibaCorp. back even if I couldn't keep the dragon.

After that I wanted to hold one more tournament. But not even that was what I planned. At that time I had completely forgotten about Ziegfried from Schroeder, a pity he didn't forget about me. That guy almost ruined me, but Atem got to save the world once again, and again prove that he was indeed the King of Games.

Then came our last adventure, one that would change everything and everyone, including your mother and me.

Yugi and the others traveled to Egypt to finally find Atem's memories and his name. I, of course, got unwillingly dragged into the whole fiasco. I'm just glad I didn't lose my sanity with all those freaky adventures I got dragged into because of Yugi.

We ended up in Ancient Egypt, well in Atem's memories, but that is the same. I was completely on my own, figuring out where I was, what I was doing there, and why that girl new my name. Then I found out that I was in Ancient Egypt, on one of Yugi's freaking adventures and that the girl meant my past self. I just wondered if I had finally gone nuts or if I was dreaming shit again because of Yugi.

Needless to say it was real. Just as real as Zork, and the fact that frail little Kisara was the Blue Eyes White Dragon. I wished at that point that it all had been a dream. But I never got what I wanted without having to work for it, and I couldn't really keep believing that I was dreaming, not when Anzu gave Atem his name back, he defeated Zork, and we found ourselves back where they started.

And even that wasn't the end of our adventure. Oh, no, that would have been too much mercy on me. In order for Atem to go to his well deserved peace in the after-life, he had to lose a duel. Who better to lose then me, right? Not. Yugi was the one. I dreaded that duel, because I heard the underlying bitterness in Anzu's voice as she told him she would cheer him on.

Yugi did win and Atem went to the after-life, and Anzu was heart-broken.

I knew that it would take time for her to adjust to the fact that he gone, but I had to get back to my own life.

Later I found out that she left for New York, without as much as giving her friends the time to think, without a goodbye or where they could find her. Anzu had finally grow up, but to what price?

I had almost forgotten about her when I found myself in New York, opening a new branch of KaibaCorp. there, she was there studying dance.

New York is city where rain is expected on a daily basis, but I relished in each second it decided to fall. On one such day I met Anzu again. I recognized her immediately as she run into me, shouting apologizes. I couldn't help but stop her. We got to talk, and talked the day away. A few days after I took her to dinner and we started spending time together.

Everything else is in the diary. Are you now happy, midget?"

I wiped the tears off my face and playfully scowled at him.

"Don't insult my height, old man!"

Daddy smirked that annoying smirk of his and ruffled my hair.

"I can't insult something that doesn't exist."

I'm pretty short for a Kaiba, and even for my age, I got it from my Mom and Dad loves to tease me about it. Just like he used to tease Mom. I huffed adoringly at him but smiled after a few moments.

"Yes, I am happy, Daddy. I'm very happy. Now I can go back to reading Mommy's diary and not be confused. I love you, Daddy."

The smile he sent me was so filled with love my heart warmed at the instant I saw it. He draped an arm over me and drew me to his chest, hugging me tightly.

"I love you, too, little one. And your Mom too, she's watching over us right now, and the rain is her tears. She wishes you a happy birthday and sends her love in each drop. I'll leave you know, sweety."

The moment he closed the door I broke down.

Why did you have to leave me, Mommy? Why did you have to leave Daddy? Why didn't you stay with us? Don't you know how much he loves you, how much he needs you?! How much I love and need you?! Why did God have to take you from us?! Why did he have to rid our family of something so precious as your love? Why did he take YOU? Why did he take you away form me, from US?

Selene says that God takes the best to himself to decorate Heaven with the most beautiful of angels, but he stripped this angel of it's wings, this angel belonged o the Earth.

Oh, Mommy I miss you so!

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**AN: Pretty long, ne? So what do you think? I know that it seems like just a recap of the show, but it had to be. Please tell me what you think.**

**Jas**


	5. No Ordinary Love

**Chap. 5: No Ordinary Love**

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**Thank you for all your wonderful reviews! My special thanks goes to **_**journey maker, DarkenDepths and The Duelist's Heiress **_**who had been with this story from the very beginning. Thanks you guys, this chapter is dedicated to you!**

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_November, 5_

_Ever been in love, Diary? I guess not. I'm telling you, it's confusing. I don't understand Seto, I don't understand myself, I don't understand anything anymore!_

_Here's what happened in the last few days, since my last entry:_

_On the next morning after our kiss, a maid scared the living daylights out of me, and I out of her, the poor hadn't expected anyone in Seto's bed when he's out jogging, and I hadn't expected someone to rip the sheets off me and then proceed to scream their lungs out._

_Not much later Seto came back and I couldn't find my boots. He made breakfast but I couldn't eat it, I'm allergic to eggs and he made omelet..._

_And he behaved like nothing happened..._

_Then he drove me home and would give me a lift to the hospital since I was pretty late. He almost – __**almost **__– forbade me to go out in my candy-stripper outfit. Then he lingered in the hospital for almost an hour before I told him (yelled at him) to go home or to work, doesn't matter where, just away from the hospital. He left without a word and I felt like an absolute jerk._

_I wanted to call him after my shift but decided against it, I went to the office. The new secretary was even worse then the last one, but I was angry so I just pushed out of my way and barged in his office. He was on the 'exploring' the mouth of some bimbo._

_I really didn't know what to think or feel. I was angry, I was disgusted, but most of all I felt betrayed._

_There's no way to describe his face as I came in there. He had immediately let go of the blonde when he heard the door, but obviously thinking it was one of him employees was ready to yell at them for interrupting. But his jaw went slack; his eyes expressed shock as he saw me standing there. The girl had come to her senses and taking the scene for what it looked like started stammering apologizes to me:_

_"I...I didn't know he had someone... I'm sorry... I would've never, I'm so sorry!"_

_The poor thing had almost started crying as I held my hand up, silencing her and showing her the door. Obviously thinking that I would be yelling at Seto, she run out, past an scared secretary, who expected Seto to yell at her for letting me in._

_I did nothing. I just mumbled an apology to him and ran to the elevators, not bothering to look back._

_I run to the park, almost tripping over my high heels. People gave me strange looks, but didn't bother me in any way. I sat down under a large tree and tried to calm myself down. Just as I had managed to hold the tears at bay, Seto came, panting and swearing at a dog who had taken on running after him. He just sat beside and tried to catch his breath. His first words were strained and breathy:_

_"How the hell can you run so fast in that?"_

_I had just shrugged and looked ahead not glancing at him._

_"Anzu look at me."_

_Of course I refused._

_"Anzu, please look at me."_

_As I stayed stubborn and didn't answer, nor looked at him he sighed and talked._

_"Anzu, please, don't be that way. What should I have done? You practically threw me out of the hospital and this morning you were cold to me, as if nothing had happened. So I just took it that you really didn't think anything beside friendship was between us. I was angry! I was angry at you, at me and at that feeling of betrayal as you gave me the cold shoulder! But I never meant to hurt you... I couldn't have known you would come... It was just that the girl came, blushing and stuttering and so obviously in love with me... It's not even her fault... I just wanted to stop thinking about you and that kiss yesterday, so I took her by the shoulders and just slammed my lips against her... Then you came in... I'm sorry..." _

_I had started crying as he had started to talk. It hurt to see him with another girl, it hurt even more that I was the cause of that, but it felt so good to have him apologize to me. Minutes later we were hugging and kissing like mad. But we didn't speak. I didn't tell him I loved him._

_After we broke our possibly tenth kiss, he took my hand and led me to his car. I didn't even get what we were doing, and found myself in a jet again. I looked at Seto who just smirked, told me it was a surprise and proceeded to kiss me senseless._

_It was already dark when we landed again and I recognized L.A. after looking around for a few moments._

_A limo took us to a beach. We sat there watching the water and the stars, kissing and simply enjoying each other. Seto was so passionate so driven, and not long passed before he started tugging at my candy-stripper dress. I let him. I let him unbutton it, I let him unhook my bra. I let him touch and kiss and nip and caress. I let him and gave back all I got. I loosened his tie, unbuttoned his shirt, tugged it out of his pants, unbuckled his belt, drew his pants over his legs. I let him make love to me and made love to him on the warm sand, underneath the stars as the waves crashed around us and drowned out our moans, as the rain fell on us and washed away the hurt of the day. I screamed his name for all world to hear as I came apart around him and shivered as his back straightened and he hissed my name in my ear._

_I fell asleep in his arms, to the feel of rain, the ocean at our feet and his lips on my temple, my cheeks, nose, neck, collarbone, shoulder, hand._

_I woke up as I had fallen asleep, in his arms, but around me were cooling sheets of silk, I was lying in a comfortable big bed, facing Seto's strong chest. _

_Later I found out we were in a hotel suite._

_And we're still there. Seto just told that we needed vacation. He shut our phones off and threw them in a drawer. He took me shopping later, since I had nothing to wear. Shopping in L.A. is a experience. All the staff in the boutiques fawned over us and practically read my every wish from my eyes. I almost felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, just that Seto looks better then Richard Geere and I'm by no way a prostitute._

_We spent that first day shopping and sight-seeing, somehow squeezing a quick lunch in between. The dinner was an affair. Seto managed to get an reservation in a very popular French restaurant and bought me a dress that cost a small fortune just for that dinner. I don't want to thing how much the other clothes and shoes cost, he bought a whole wardrobe!_

_Our days were spent walking and exploring the city, a few hours on the beach, or sitting somewhere over a lunch, ice-cream or coffee, talking. The nights were passionate between the sheets, the mornings as well, but mostly under the shower._

_I've had only two lovers before Seto, one being Atem my very first love, and other my first boyfriend in the States, but Seto is the best. I don't think anyone can ever compare. Atem knew what he did, at that time, but I was a blushing and nervous virgin. And Jake, well Jake wasn't bad, but it just didn't feel right. Not the way it feels with Seto. It's incredible, earth-shattering, blinding. I can feel that it's not just his body in the act but his heart, his soul and his mind as well. That is thought-out love-making, when his goal is to give me pleasure not himself, when he wants to please me and gives everything he has to do it._

_I don't want to go back to New York; I want to stay here, forever. _

_Seto is in the shower, I was asleep and he didn't want to wake me, but I woke up as heard the water running anyway. So I decided to sneak in a few words, before he comes out and consumes my whole attention again._

_Oh, the water's stopped. I better stop now. _

_In a few days I'll write again,_

_Goodbye till then,_

_Anzu. _

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Wow. That's more information then I wanted abou my Dad. Why does Mom have to write everything down? It's disturbing, now I can't get those images out of my head.

But making love on the beach is romantic. I wish I could have that too. But don't let my Dad know I said that, he'll go nuts. He says that the right time to go out with boys is when I'm thirty... Too overprotective, aren't we?

What's with Dad and wanting to spent his money on women's clothes? Here I thought that he just likes to take me shopping and spend what some people don't earn in a year on clothes, shoes, jewerly and make-up.

I guess he just likes to spend his money on the people he loves. It's his money, he can spend it everyway he wants too, preferably on me, tehe...

Oh, well.

This seems to be the beginnig of their relationship. Now I want to know more...

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**AN: I hope you liked this chapter and that you'll give me your opinions and thought in reviews.**

**Now I have to rant:**

**So I opened a blog on . I would like to talk about Azureshipping and a few other pairings there as well as post my own fics there. You're welcome, no I ask you to check this blog out, I'm under the same username as here. Leave a comment and tell me what you think about the pairings. Everyone, even the haters are welcome to come and comment. If you want me to post your fics there too, just say the word.**

**And of course, since it's about the pairings I would like for you to tell me of any reasons they should be together, or evidence that they might feel something for each other. Everything will be posted and the credits are going to be given to the people who wrote what.**

**So please, give this blog a chance and help me make it an Azureshipping support comunity.**

**Thanks,**

**Jasmin**


	6. When You're Gone

**Chap. 6: When You're Gone**

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**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the characters. I do own the plot of his story and Sakura and Selene Kaiba who are the children of my own imagination.

**Pairings: **Seto & Anzu; Mokuba & Selene; ?? & Sakura (later on)

**POV: **Sakura Kaiba, Anzu Kaiba (diary entries)

**This chapter's POV goes to Seto Kaiba.**

**This chapter is dedicated to **_**Pharoahess016.**_

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Life goes on... No, it stands still, time goes on... No, both time **and** life go on, just not for me... I don't know anymore... I live and I don't... I breathe but I don't feel... Is that life? For all I know it could be and I wouldn't know it... What is life? Is it breathing and hearing your heart beat? Or is it feeling? But feeling what? I don't know how to feel... No, I don't know **what** to feel...

I love her, you know. Our little baby, I love her. She's so grown up now, you should see her... She's so beautiful, just like you. But all that I feel when I look in her eyes is pain... Pain, because those orbs of eternal blue do not belong to you, that smile isn't yours either, nor those long, silky brown tresses. None of it is yours and yet it is... Our little Cherry Blossom is the reason I live and the reason I hurt... She means everything to me, and yet she's the reason I'm not with you now... Is it alright to feel that way? I don't know...

I don't know anything... Not anymore. It just stopped. Life, time, it stopped with your heart. And I'm stuck. Stuck in the past, in the memories. The worst part is that I constantly ask what would have been if. What would have been if he lived? Would you have to New York, or would you have stayed with him? Would you have loved him like you loved me? Would you have thought about me at all? Remembered me? What would have been if he hadn't been there at all? Would you have loved Yugi? Or Joey? Or Tristan? Would you have looked at me a second time? What would have been if I hadn't changed like I did? Would our meeting in New York have been different? Would you have fallen in love with me? What would have happened if our son didn't die? Would you be alive now? What would have been if I married Serenity three years ago? Would I be happy? No. I'm an idiot; of course I wouldn't have been happy. You're the only one making me happy.

Oh, Anzu I want you back. I don't know what life is anymore, I don't know what love is anymore. Without you I don't know anything. And it hurts, it hurts terribly.

I think of you, I dream of you. Everything is always about you. Even Selene's pregnancy. Now I'm even more afraid. What if the same happened to her? I don't even want to think about it?

Help me, Anzu, I'm slowly going insane, I'm dying inside... I can't leave Sakura now, not now, not when she needs me so much... What is happening to me? How the mighty has fallen! It's your doing. You're the only one who's even managed to get me on my knees, you wonder of a woman. I love you so much. Nothing can ever erase this love, this love that you have planted in my heart, with smiles, kisses and raindrops. And still when it rains I go out, just to feel you. When I stand in the rain I can feel you in my arms. You belong in my arms. But when I look down I see nothing, just air...

Sometimes I look in the mirror and see your face; I hear your voice in our home and see your shadow wherever you've once been...

It's funny, you know, this thing happening to me. Once upon a time I didn't feel and then you came and I felt love. Nor, that you've gone I feel both, nothing and everything. It's always been that way, there's no in between with me, nothing or everything...

When I close my eyes I see you, in the darkness I feel you, in the silence I hear your voice...

You're everywhere... In everything...

You are my life... And you're gone... What does that say about me? I don't want to know...

I miss you; I miss you so much... Come back to me... Come back! I need you! Anzu!!

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**AN: It's short, I know, but it had to be short. This way only the raw feeing is portrayed, only the pain. Anything else would have taken from that and it wouldn't have been what I wanted to create.**

**Anyway I'm already waiting to see what you think, so click on that little button and don't let me wait too long : )**

**Jas**


	7. Tears of Heaven

**Chap. 7: Tears of Heaven**

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**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the characters. I do own the plot of his story and Sakura and Selene Kaiba who are the children of my own imagination.

**Pairings: **Seto & Anzu; Mokuba & Selene; ?? & Sakura (later on)

**POV: **Sakura Kaiba, Anzu Kaiba (diary entries)

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Some time ago I had gone out on the balcony to simply think. How come that I could have been so selfish? A woman gave all her love to me and I simply shut my eyes against that, I turned my head away, I didn't want to know. All of my friends have their mothers and are happily talking about them when they buy them new things or praise them, then they go saying they wished they had no mother when they get scolded or get house-arrest. Sometimes I wished I could sit with them and complain about my own mother, but somehow I always knew that even if she were alive I wouldn't' have anything to complain about and that made me angry. I always wished for a normal life, to be just a ordinary girl in a ordinary family, but I was born as Kaiba Seto's only child and anything that other people found ordinary was under my father's standards. From child's shoes on I have been swarmed by reporters, admirers and fans, I never really had any time for myself, I had to be perfect. And that fact made it clear that my mother would have been that as well, perfect, she would have been loving, gentle and understanding. She wouldn't have raised her voice at me, like Nicco's mother did, she wouldn't have showed up in my room with an apron, angry waving a dish-rug and screaming obscenities like Ani's Mom or given me house-arrest till I'm thirty like Keiko's mother. No, the wife of Kaiba Seto would have been perfect, with perfect manners and soft-spoken, a real high-society lady.

I never wanted that, I wanted a mother who would scold me, raise her voice at me, give me house-arrest even make me look like a fool before my friends. I could have never gotten that, maybe that was the reason I never showed interest in her, I just didn't want to hear how perfect she was, what a good mother she had been. I sometimes have hated my father when he said he wanted me to be like her.

But now, now I want to know about her, everything. She wasn't one of those daughters of rich father's that constantly threw themselves around my father's neck, she had been a normal girl, from a normal family, living a normal life (as normal as life with a ghost of a five thousand year old pharaoh can get), she ended up with my father not because it was beneficial for KaibaCorp. or her own parents, but because they truly loved each other.

I'm soaked to the bone but I don't mind, for the first time in my life I don't mind the rain, when I have spent eighteen years of my life despising it.

You have changed me, Mum, you have changed me completely, and I wish you were here with me. I wish I could introduce you to my friends and laugh at Nicco who would be drooling over you, I wish you would take me shopping or on a girl's night out when I'm feeling low like Selene does, I wish I could come to you and tell you about my heart-ache because for Yousuke I'll always be a spoiled, rich Daddy's girl, I wish you would go the next spring with me to buy my dress for the Spring Ball Dance. I also wish you had been there when I have first fallen in love, when I was seven and he was my teacher, I wish you had been there when I have gotten my first bleeding, when my breast just wouldn't grow and I put socks in my bra and gave Dad a heart-attack, I wish you had been there when I started high-school and couldn't find friends, I wish you had been there when I fell for the jerk who saw in me nothing but a spoiled-rotten brat. I wish you had been there when Mokuba married Selene, when Dad won the Nobel Prize for technology, you would have been so proud of him.

Why did you have to leave, Mommy? What have I done wrong to be denied your love and you? Why does Dad have to suffer? Why does my aunt have to play my mother? Why do I have to be so alone?

The rain is pelting down on me, but I don't mind, for the first time I want to feel it, I want to feel those tears of heaven on my skin, it's like you're close when I'm in the rain, I can almost feel you. I remember how you felt; always so warm and gentle, I loved snuggling up with you. I remember how you smelled; you always had a warm, pleasant scent, almost like the rain right now. But most of all I remember your eyes and your smile, always so full of love and warmth; you really loved me, Mommy. I know that I loved you, too, I remember crying for days when you died, and Dad says that even months after your death I used to wake up in the middle of the night screaming for you.

I have a good life, a great Dad, the best aunt and the greatest uncle in the world, but you're missing. My life is incomplete with you, Mommy.

When I close my eyes, standing in the rain I can almost feel you holding me, feel your warm embrace...

Oh Mommy, why can't you be with me when I need you so?

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**AN: So what do you think? **

**I'm sorry I haven't updated for so long, but I got a cold and spent a week in the hospital. I now hate the hospital and my mother in law probably, too, but oh well.**

**I'm waiting for your reviews.**

**Love,**

**Jas**


	8. Memories

**Chap. 8: Memories**

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**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the characters. I do own the plot of his story and Sakura and Selene Kaiba who are the children of my own imagination.

**Pairings: **Seto & Anzu; Mokuba & Selene; ?? & Sakura (later on)

**POV: **Sakura Kaiba, Anzu Kaiba (diary entries)

**For this chapter inserted Seto's POV and a Flashback.**

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I had entered my room when the rain stopped; I had changed into dry clothes and rubbed my hair with a towel. I have wallowed in despair long enough; it was time to see what happened next with my parents. I took Mom's diary, threw myself on the bed and opened the next entry.

_**November, 25;**_

_It's been quite a time since I last wrote. And so much has happened in the twenty days since the last entry. I was happy when I wrote that last entry, now I just want the pain to stop. Am I destined to never be happy in my life? Things with Seto aren't as smooth as I would've liked them to be. I knew I was right when I didn't want to return to New York. We spent two heavenly weeks in L.A. without worries, just enjoying each other, I have never been so happy in my life. I believed that it would last, that it would be happily ever after. Now I ask myself when I'll stop believing in fairytales and happy endings. There's no such thing, at least not for me..._

_Here's what happened._

_We came back to New York, Saturday morning, five days ago. We drove to his apartment and decided to make the weekend ours; Monday would mean work, hospital and dance-school, once again. But of course, that wouldn't go so easy. In L.A. we were unreachable, nobody knew where we were, our phones were shut off, and New York was another story entirely. Seto's partners called, he had piles of work waiting for him, my class-mates were worried, my instructor called, yelling at me for missing class for two weeks. Only Seto's name prevented me from losing my scholarship. He was angry, I was hysteric, and it was bound to happen. We began arguing, blaming each other for the situation. I don't remember ever being so mad in my life, but I lost control over my temper and just yelled him in the face the first thing that came to my mind: "Where was my mind when I started seeing you?! You're the worst that could've happened to me! You're the curse of my existence since I met you! I hate you!"_

_I had run out in tears, hearing him curse and something made of glass shatter against a wall. But I was mad, I didn't mind, I just wanted to be away from him, he was the only person who could make me forget everything around me, even my strong sense of duty was turned to dust when he was near. I was afraid of that; I didn't want to lose control over myself like that ever again._

_But as soon as I was again in my apartment I broke down. I had just ruined the best thing that has happened to me since Atem left. I have driven away that one person who showed me that I'm still able to love. _

_Oh Gods what have I done?_

Mom, what happened?

* * *

**Seto's POV**

Strange that today the memories of that day chose to resurface. I'll never forget that day, we were so happy, and them BAM! Nothing. I understand that she had been angry, but that out-burst was too much. I don't think anything ever hurt as much as she told me she hated me. It went straight to my heart, a aching that was unlike anything I ever felt before. It was as if someone had ripped my heart out and stomped on it. Then all I felt was emptiness, nothing was there anymore, I was numb.

I don't ever want to feel that again. As she died I had Sakura to fill my life, but back then after she stormed out of my life, with a declaration of hatred for me on her lips I had nothing. Nothing was left of that feeling of happiness in my chest when she was near me. I was afraid I would lose my mind.

Then came the anger. I was angry at her, at the whole world, but most of all I was angry at myself, angry because I was so stupid to believe she would ever love. I told myself: 'Get real Kaiba. Who has ever loved you? Who will ever love you? You're nothing but a cold-hearted jerk! Why should someone as pure as Anzu love you? You don't deserve to be loved and to be happy! You'll die alone, like you've been alone your whole life, hated from anyone you ever met, including the love of your life. Anzu will find someone who will be able to tell her how much he loves her, who'll show her what she means to him, not someone who goes and kisses random girls, who yells at her. You're meant to be alone, Kaiba, accept the truth.'

_**Flashback, November, 20;**_

_She is gone. I'm all alone again. Anzu..._

_I took out the small velvet box and opened it. The beautiful, rare blue diamond shone in the sun-light, and seemed to laugh at me. A tear slipped down my cheek. I closed the box, I couldn't look at it. I wanted to ask her to marry me. I'm a fool, why would she want to marry me?_

_"I love you..." I whispered painfully. My eyes narrowed and without remorse, I threw the box and its contents onto my bed. "I love you!" I screamed at the discarded objects. "So why did you leave?"_

_Outside, rain began to fall._

_**End Flashback**_

**End Seto's POV**

* * *

**Diary Entry**

_But I'm Mazaki Anzu, I'm not known for giving up. Looking out my window I saw that rain was falling and I knew that it was the perfect time to go to him._

_I run down the streets, soaked to the bone and cold, people paused to look after me, some shook their heads, but I only wanted to be with him, nothing else mattered._

_His apartment building was in sight and I increased my pace. Seto, please wait for me..._

_I run to the elevator and the last button, fishing my pockets for the card he gave me, without it I can't reach over the twelfth floor and he lives on the twenty sixth. I finally found it and inserted it. The light turned green and I urged the elevator to go faster. The little bell chimed and the doors slid open, I found myself facing his door. Taking a deep breath and knocked a few times and waited._

_A moment later, he opened, looking distraught and like he had been crying. His dragon eyes widened as he saw me. I didn't give him a moment to think, if I did, he would come to and slam the door in my face._

_"Seto..." I couldn't hold the tears back anymore, the flooded my eyes and run freely down my cheek, mixing with the rain. "Seto, I'm so sorry... Please forgive me... Seto, I love you..."_

_The moments those words left my mouth I was in his arms and he was kissing the living daylights out of me. A few moments later, he broke he kiss and whispered against my mouth: "I love you, too, you silly girl... I love you two..."_

_And we did indeed spend the weekend for us. After we came out with the truth that we loved each other, Seto took me in his bedroom and told me to look for something on the bed. When I found a velvet box he told me to open it. When I lifted the lid I was greeted with the most beautiful ring I have ever seen. I looked at Seto and he smiled a crooked smile before going down on a knee and saying: "I would've done this over dinner, but with everything that happened... Anzu, I love with my whole heart, will you marry me?"_

_I have never felt so happy in my life. I have screamed YES so loud that half New York probably heard me and pounced on Seto, knocking him down in the progress and raining kisses all over his face._

_I think that there is a chance of me having a 'happily ever after', don't you think, diary?_

_Anzu_

* * *

**AN: Already the eight chapter. I was reading a Zutara fic when inspiration struck and I wrote this down. I hope you like it. Thanks for you wonderful reviews.**

**Jas**


	9. Moments in Time

**Chap. 9: Moments in Time**

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the characters. I do own the plot of his story and Sakura and Selene Kaiba who are the children of my own imagination.

**Pairings: **Seto & Anzu; Mokuba & Selene; ?? & Sakura (later on)

**Main POV: **Sakura Kaiba, Anzu Kaiba (diary entries)

**This chapter's POV: **Selene

* * *

It's so hard to be strong in moments like this, when your happiness could be big and complete, if it weren't for that one missing factor. My missing factor is you, my beloved cousin. I wouldn't be who I am today without you and your care. I've never known a mother in my life, but if I would have had to choose between you and a mother I would have chosen you, because you were everything to me, mother, sister and best friend. Now I finally have what I've always wanted, a family of my own. Ever since I married Mokuba, I've been on the brink of fulfilling my happiness and now we're about to have a baby. A child of our own, a family...

I need your smile now, Anzu, I need your comforting words, your gentle embrace, and I need your strength. I barely pulled myself together to tell Saki of my baby, without breaking down, when a smile blossomed on her face. She looks so much like you, she acts like you, and she truly is your daughter, even if we have spoiled her rotten.

She comes to me, like I have come to you, for everything. We have a great relationship, like two sisters.

Anzu, I'm an adult now. I'm not the ten year old girl who came to live with you and Seto, all those years ago, and I'm not the sixteen year old teenager you left behind, all alone in the world. I love you so much, Anzu, and I miss you. I don't know if I can do this alone. You were such a great mother to Saki and to me too, I'm not sure if I'll manage without you here. Even though I desperately wanted a child, I'm not sure if I'm ready to be a mother.

I remember the days when Sakura was no more then a toddler, you were smiling upon us and Seto smirking from a corner. Days when you forced me to dress like a female and took me out, when you always found a way to put Mokuba and me in the same room, because you knew that we liked each other. I think you knew even before we did.

It's sad that I have more memories of you then your own daughter. Why did you leave her here alone, when all you wanted is to see her grow up?

I'll never forget the day you told us that you wouldn't live to see Saki become a woman...

* * *

_**Flashback, August 18;**_

_Seto opened the door of the mansion, letting his wife in a closing it behind him. His head was down, eyes drawn to the floor, he looked far away. Anzu didn't look much better. She was pale, he eyes were dull and her head hung low._

_Little Sakura run down the stars as fast as her chubby little legs would carry her and threw herself around Anzu's waist._

_"Mommy! Mommy, wheve you be?" _

_Anzu smiled and scooped her little bundle of joy in her arms, hugging the little girl lovingly. Seto came over and took Sakura in his arms, whispering in her ear and carried her to the sitting room. He sat down on one of the sofas with Sakura perched happily on his lap. She laughed and smiled as he bounced her a little, brown pigtails jumping up and down._

_Anzu came in after them and sat down after ordering tea and asking one of the maids to call for the other two children, Mokuba and Selene._

_Moments they both run in and sat down on either side of Anzu. They looked curiously at her. Anzu smiled sadly and laid a hand on each of their heads._

_"Listen children, we have something important to tell you. Please listen carefully."_

_She took a deep breath and looked at Seto. Their eyes met and she seemed to draw strength from his gaze. Looking back down at the two fourteen year old she begun._

_"We went to see a doctor today, because the headaches didn't stop. It doesn't look good. I won't lie to you. I have spine cancer, it's affecting my brain."_

_Selene and Mokuba paled, despair etched on their faces as they looked at her. Selene was the first one capable to say anything._

_"What does that mean, Anzu?"_

_Anzu smiled bitterly at her and caressed her red locks., "It means that I'm going to die, my little one."_

_The room fell silent. Not even Sakura, who didn't understand what was going on, made a sound. The grave expression on her mother's face was scaring her. She decided to investigate, and she wanted to know what 'die' means._

_"Mommy, wha 'die' mean?"_

_Tears slipped down Anzu's cheeks as she knelt down before her daughter and took her little face between her hands._

_"It means that Mommy is going to go away, baby."_

_Sakura cocked her little head, much in the same fashion as her mother and asked innocently, "When you be back, Mommy? You be back soon, 'cause Saki gonna miss you."_

_Anzu choked back a sob and took her little girl in her arms, hugging her tightly._

_"Mommy's never coming back, baby."_

_Sakura lifted her head from Anzu's shoulder and asked saddened, "But why? Don't Mommy love Saki and Daddy anymove?"_

_Anzu clutched her daughter tightly to her chest and whispered brokenly, "Of course I love you, baby, both you and your Daddy, I love you more then life. Never forget that. But Mommy's going to heaven and you can't come back from there."_

_Sakura seemed to be thinking for a moment before she looked back at the beautiful woman that was her mother and smiled a sad little smile, as if understanding that she'll lose the most precious person in her life._

_"Saki love Mommy, too, and Daddy! Mommy, is heaven wheve Gvandma is? Why do Mommy have to go to heaven? Mommy is not old, Gvandma was old when she go to heaven."_

_Anzu just cried harder._

_Selene scooted over to Mokuba and clutched his shirt, crying in his chest. Mokuba wrapped his arms around the red-head and buried his face into her hair, to try and hide his tears, but he couldn't hide the sobs that wracked his body._

_Seto's tall form doubled over in his seat, he buried his head in his hand and let the tears fall._

_Sakura looked around, not understanding why everyone was crying, but as she saw her Daddy cry, she couldn't hold back anymore and cried. Cried because she felt, even if she didn't understand, that this day would change her life forever and her Daddy will lose his smile, that her Mommy won't come to kiss her goodnight and sing her a lullaby when she was scared._

_**End Flashback**_

* * *

That was the worst day of my life. My whole world broke down when you told us you'd die. I didn't want you to leave, I didn't want you to die, I wanted you to stay forever with us and smile. Your smile seemed to have died that day, you smiled only for Saki afterwards. Seto went in his own world, desperation and loneliness clearly visible on his face.

Days went by, the weeks, months. A year passed. You became weaker and weaker till you couldn't move anymore. With not even twenty seven years you looked like eighty. You spoke barely, and you refused to let Saki in your room. You wanted her to remember you as strong and confident, as smiling and beautiful, not a sick, broken woman, with one foot in her grave.

Seto never left your side. He sat there, clutching your hand and crying. He didn't speak, he didn't sleep, and he didn't eat. It was as if he was dead inside.

Sakura seemed to have understood what it means to die. She wanted to be with you; as if feeling you would slip away one moment and she won't be able to see you before you left us.

Then the day came. Just two days after Sakura's fourth birthday.

I had been by you, trying to get Seto to eat something, but he refused. I went down to the kitchen and had to keep Sakura out of your room, she wanted to you.

I was downstairs, making a tea for Seto when I heard a thump over my head. I rushed to your room and threw open the door.

In front of your bed stood Sakura, tears washed down her face, her eyes empty. Seto was on his knees beside your bed, still clinging to your hand, his head on the bad, his sobs shaking his body. Your eyes were closed; a small smile was on your face.

Tears gathered in my eyes, I knew you wouldn't wake up anymore. After almost two years fighting that gruesome disease, you left us.

I was a broken doll after that. The following year was a blur to me, I don't remember much of it I just know that I missed and still miss you terribly.

* * *

**AN: Well, here's chapter nine. Hope you like it,**

**Jas**


	10. Author's Notice

Author's Notice: I need your opinion on something

**Author's Notice: I need your opinion on something**

**First of all I would like to thank you for your support during the course this story has taken. You have helped me a lot and I can't express my gratitude enough.**

**My Mothers is slowly but surely drawing to its climax. He reason behind Anzu's death was revealed and Sakura is nearing the end of the diary. After the last entry that was revealed in Rain one or two chapters will show just how much Sakura changed, and the story will find its end there. I will write a one-shot kind of sequel, showing an older Sakura and her thoughts on what her mother's diary taught her, and then it will be over.**

**This story was very important for me to write, because I somehow have projected all my insecurities of becoming a mother on it. My pregnancy is drawing an end too, and my twins will soon be there, and for the first time in my life after the death of my brother, I'm afraid of something. I'm afraid of not being a good mother, of somehow failing my two babies somehow and this story has put me off a great deal. Spending time with my own mother and my mother in law I came to see that it's better to have a mother, no matter how imperfect she may seem then not one at all. My mother still frets over me and she just shows how much she loves me. I've had a flue a few days ago and she met my friend in the Super Market when I was in the hospital, and the girl came to me almost as if was about to die, my mum has made it sound so bad. And through this I see just how much she loves me, how much she cares, even if she really knows how to get on my nerves.**

**I'm toying with the thought to stop writing after I finish this story, but I'm not sure. Over the time here on I've written 41 stories, mostly one-shots and I love every single one. My Mother, Erased Future and Sakura are the ones I put most thought on. I want to end My Mother and I'll do it, Erased Future, though my most popular one with over 33 thousand hits and two hundred fourteen reviews in fourteen chapters, will stay discontinued, even if I have grown the most in the course of that one, and I will write Sakura, even if I'm not sure if I'll finish it.**

**So now I'm asking you what you think. Should I stop writing and delete my account here on ?**

**I would really like your opinion. Write a review or send me a PM or e-mail, it doesn't matter.**

**Once again I would like to tell 'thank you' to all of you.**

**My special thanks go to Journey Maker and DarkenDepths. **

**Journey Maker has read and reviewed my every single Yu-Gi-Oh! story and I can't thank her enough of it. You have been a great support and it is an honor to have you as a fan.**

**Dark, you're very well aware of your importance to me, without me saying it. You have helped me a lot and I cherish every single of your words. I hope you're not mad for not replaying to your last e-mail and to your reviews, but I'm drawing in myself for sometime. I need time to think and meditate. My life is changing and I need sometime to adjust to it. You know I love you, brother.**

**Please tell me, what you think.**

**Sincerely, **

**Jasmin Kaiba**


	11. The tide is High

**Chap. 10: The Tide is High**

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the characters. I do own the plot of his story and Sakura and Selene Kaiba who are the children of my own imagination.

**Pairings: **Seto & Anzu; Mokuba & Selene; ?? & Sakura (later on)

**Main POV: **Sakura Kaiba, Anzu Kaiba (diary entries)

* * *

I sigh as I sit down in the booth. My friends have the habit of not listening to me. They called and said they wanted to spend a few hours on my birthday with me in the arcade. I have protested but they wouldn't listen, Nicco said that the rain excuse is not good enough for your eighteenth birthday and forced me to come here. And as it is, I'm the first one, of course the only one with a driver and limo, too, but still. Looking around I see that not many people are here, it is a rainy Sunday after all, but Subaru is working, that's good. I've had a crush on Subaru for as long as I can remember, but then Yousuke came, and well, it all went down hill form then. Subaru was forgotten and I fell for a jerk that never saw past my last name.

I really would rather be home, reading Mom's diary, this is pointless, it's a waste of my time, and they're still not here.

"What's with the bad mood, Brat? Don't you like the rain?"

Dear God, I know that deep, mocking voice. I look up to see two impossibly black eyes looking back at me, shaggy black hair almost covering his left eye, full lips curved into a smirk, Yousuke.

"What do you want, Yousuke? I'm not in the mood for you."

I know I'm not very polite, but why should I be? I'm in a sour mood and he'll only make it worse with his comments, he drives me crazy. But, he's so handsome, that hair, those eyes, the perfect smile, even if it is mocking me. I know he's not a bad person, he just doesn't like me very much, no matter how much I like him...

"Oh, what is it, Kaiba hmm? Daddy didn't buy what you wanted for your birthday and you threw a fit? Or did Mommy forget to write you?"

That-that-that BASTARD! He knows that my Mom is dead! I'm going to kill him! I stood up a slapped him with all my force, but I couldn't stop the tears from falling.

"You unfeeling, egoistical, bastard! How dare you?! You know very well that my Mom is dead! How dare you bring her up?! Don't you ever take her name into your dirty mouth or I swear by everything that's holly you'll regret ever hearing the name Kaiba! I've had enough of you and your cruel jokes! Insult me how you want, I don't care, you're too far beneath me to care, but leave my mother out of this! She was an angel, a goddess, something you wouldn't know, you son of a devil! Ever again speak of my mother and you'll see that Kaiba is not only a name, it is a power! Get out of my sight before I kill you!"

His black eyes widened and he took a step back. I know that I probably went too far, but I couldn't care less. Nobody speaks badly of my Mom, not even him! I may be in love with him, but I love my mother far more.

Before I could scream at him again, Subaru came over and interrupted.

"Hey you guys, what's with the fighting? Come on Saki, it's your birthday, be happy!"

Most of the time, Subaru calms me down rather quickly, but this is something else.

"Stay out of it, Subaru. He insulted my mother, that little piece of shit!"

Subaru recoiled a bit, I'm not sure why. Maybe because Yousuke dared to say something about my Mom, or because of my language. I'm not the person to swear or use bad words, but that jerk brings out the worst in me.

"You know what, Yousuke, you're just one big baby! I don't know what I ever liked about you! You don't even know me and yet you insult me! I always let it slide, at first because it was beneath a Kaiba to argue with low scum like you, later because I found it pointless to even listen to what you say, and then because I idiot fell in love with you! Yes, it's true, you can mock me now all you want, I don't care, I know I'm not what you say I am. I'm my mother's daughter, and Anzu Mazaki Kaiba was a strong woman. She won the heart of my father because she was herself and I'm just like that. I won't sit and smile while you talk shit, I'll talk right back! I won't stand for you spreading lies about me! Listen good Yousuke, you can do whatever you want, but be aware that I'll always fight back and if you're not man enough to stand for what you say, then you're not worth my affections. My mother would turn in her grave if her daughter let herself get down from a man without nerves and with nothing in his pants!"

I stormed out of the arcade, right past Subaru and Yousuke who both didn't know what hit them, and my friends who were right coming in and just looked after me. I sat down in the limo as it begun the drive home. Just why does it have to be that way? Why do I fall in love with a guy who hates me? And why must my mother be dead? That's not fair.

I sometimes really hate my life.

* * *

**AN: I know this is really short, but I figured that we need to see a bit of Sakura's life and what she has to deal with. Well anyway I hope you liked it and I know that Sakura sounds like she's PMSing, but I don't really care. Next chapter will be Anzu's diary again.**

**Tell me what you think.**

**Jas**


	12. The Mistakes We Make

**Chap. 11: The Mistakes We Make**

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the characters. I do own the plot of his story and Sakura and Selene Kaiba who are the children of my own imagination.

**Pairings: **Seto & Anzu; Mokuba & Selene; ?? & Sakura (later on)

**Main POV: **Sakura Kaiba, Anzu Kaiba (diary entries)

* * *

**IMPORTANT NOTICE! PLEASE READ!**

**AN: I'm sorry that's been so long, but I guess I just lost the track of time. This chapter has waited long enough to come.**

**Anyway I've watched this movie a few nights ago, Butterfly Effect, and it really brought an idea I had all along to light. So I thought that Seto is giving himself the fault of Anzu's death and goes to see Isis. Understanding what he's going through, Isis tells him a secret: A year after Anzu's death she and Marik found the items again. She believes that he can change the past and set things straight if he believes in the power of the items. And Seto is willing to try. **

**So what do you think? Shall we change the outcome and bring Anzu back to life? I would really like at least eight votes for or against the idea before deciding anything, so please hit the review button!**

**Ok, on with the chapter!**

* * *

I don't know why, but I have taken Mom's diary before going out. It was a good idea. At least now I can read while waiting to come home, it'll distract me. Let's see how Mom's life is coming along.

_**December, 24;**_

_Oh dear heavens, I don't want to!_

_Wow, tomorrow will be a month since I last wrote, but I've been busy. I have finally finished the dance school, it's so much better without having to constantly think about it._

_Seto and I have spent every day so far together, I even moved in with him, it's not like he doesn't have enough room. But as of right now, my happiness is tainted. Seto wants to go back to Japan. He speaks of nothing since weeks now, he's as giddy as a child on Christmas morning, and if I weren't so terrified I'd probably find it cute._

_I don't want to, I don't want to go back to Japan, I have a perfectly fine life here. But Seto speaks of nothing but 'home'. My Mom used to say that home is where the heart is. My heart is in New York, it's with Seto, but still, I don't think I can do it._

_What will I do? How can I just go back there when I left without a goodbye? I can't just show up and say 'Hi!' Joey'd skin me alive! Not to mention the news about Seto and me... Before I left he was my best friend's rival, a class-mate at the very best, and now I'm marrying him! If that wouldn't be a shock then I don't know what would be..._

_Seto aside, I'm scared of facing the guys even without him. I mean, what shall I say? 'Hello, you guys! I'm over Atem now, so I decided to come back! Sorry for not leaving a phone number or saying bye! Did you miss me? Oh, and Yugi, sorry but I found someone better, give me a hug!'_

_If Joey didn't kill me with that I would..._

_Just what is Seto thinking?! I can't go back to Japan! And to top it all off, my monthly has missed the last two months – I might as well be pregnant..._

_What would it look like then? 'Hey, guys! Guess what! I'm marrying Seto Kaiba, and I'm carrying his child! Good to see you again! You'll come to the wedding, right?'_

_Oh, God! I have to stop hanging around Maya, all those inane ideas sound fresh out of her head!_

_But still – I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO JAPAN!_

_Now how to let Seto know that, without freaking him out? We're leaving tomorrow! I'm doomed..._

_I have the nagging feeling that I'm making a huge mistake... I don't want to leave... I don't want to go back... I want to stay here... It's not fair..._

_Oh, God help me, I don't know what to do anymore..._

Wow. She didn't want to leave New York? Has she ever told Dad? And just how old is she? I thought they were married some years before I came. They were! They were married for three years and then I came! Selene told me, she should know. But what is going on? Why is Mom pregnant?

I don't understand anything anymore... It can't be that she was pregnant before me; I don't know anything about that. Dad or Selene would have told me, for sure.

Mom, what was going on in your life? Have you really made a mistake?

* * *

**AN: Ok, to clear some things up: They did leave New York. That's the mistake they made. Anzu IS pregnant, just not with Sakura. Sakura is right; they were three years married before they had her. What the other pregnancy is will come in either a flashback or a diary entry, you choose.**

**Everything else will come with the next chapter.**

**So please tell me what you think.**

**Jas**


	13. In Our Love We Trust

**Chap. 12: In Our Love We Trust**

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the characters. I do own the plot of his story and Sakura and Selene Kaiba who are the children of my own imagination.

**Pairings: **Seto & Anzu; Mokuba & Selene; ?? & Sakura (later on)

**Main POV: **Sakura Kaiba, Anzu Kaiba (diary entries)

* * *

**AN: I thank you all for your opinions, it has been very helpful. But I thank the most JustJos16 for giving me a new idea. I'm not telling what, though :)! It's a surprise!**

**Can we make a deal? This story is getting close to the end and I would really like as many reviews as possible for the few chapters that are left. Is it too much to ask for at least ten reviews per chapter?**

**Thanks again, people, you're the best!**

* * *

Wow, life is growing extremely confusing as of the last ten minutes. Why am I the last to find out that I could've had an older sibling? Is it too much to ask to know if you're the only child your mother had in her stomach?

Ok, I understand that Mom didn't talk about it, it must have been very hard, and I was just a toddler, but Dad could've told me. Doesn't he trust me, or what is it? I'll have to ask him. I won't go to Mokuba or Selene, it's his child, it's the best if he told me, or maybe Mom. Knowing her it's in the diary, let's see, where was I? Ah, there!

_**January, 6;**_

_I... I... I just don't know what to write or how to start... The doctor says it's the best if I continue writing my Diary; it'll help me overcome the situation easier... Situation... My child is called a 'situation'. I understand that I have to let go and think of something else, ease my mind and the guilt, but how can I? I just can't stop thinking about it. I still remember the pain, I can feel it, not only in my body but in my heart and soul as well... Our child, our beautiful child... It's not there anymore..._

_And I can't face Seto... How can I look him in the eye knowing that I'm at fault his son is dead? He doesn't look at me, though; he just can't seem to look in the face of his son's murderer... I understand... And I understand if he wouldn't want to be with me anymore... Hell I can't stand myself, I doubt he would..._

_The doctor said I should talk or write about what and how it happened, but it's not easy... I'll just have to try..._

_It all started the day after my last entry. We were at the airport, waiting for Seto's jet, there were some difficulties... That should have warned him that going back to Japan maybe wasn't such a grand idea... People were staring at us, many tried getting Seto's autograph, one girl even called me 'Gold Digger', I'm just wondering what that makes her... This trip didn't stand under a lucky star, but I didn't dare say something to Seto, he seemed so excited to see home again. I wasn't. I never wanted back there, and I had the feeling that I was going to my execution not home. I guess it was true in a way..._

_The flight was eventless, at least something... The landing on the Domino airport, on the other hand... The press has somehow gotten the news that Seto was returning, the airport was full of cameras and journalists... I don't remember the last time so many people asked for my name... I wasn't feeling well at all and couldn't wait just to be out of that mass of people. Before we have taken the flight I have called Mokuba and asked him to bring Selene to the airport. He didn't know who that was, but I just told him to go to my old house and my mother. Then I called Selene, told her that I would be arriving and asked her to get me a pregnancy test. Better be safe then sorry. I guess we should have thought about that earlier._

_Finally in the mansion I have run to the bathroom, and not five minutes later, I knew it – I was carrying Seto's baby. I was excited and frightened at the same time. What would Seto say? What would my parents say?_

_Never really the person to let things wait; I called Seto upstairs and without a word showed the test into his hands. Let's just say that he isn't the fastest when you show him things like that... He's pretty ignorant about female things. I almost lost the control of my feelings and shouted it in his face, but I got a grip of myself and calmly explained that the 'thing' was a pregnancy test and that a smiley means, that yes, indeed, we're pregnant..._

_His eyes turned in his head and he hit the floor. The great Seto Kaiba fell over when his girlfriend told him that they were expecting a child... Ironically that would have made a great head-line in the next Domino Daily... But I guess it is not everyday that he gets told he'll be a Daddy... I hope for him it isn't everyday..._

_When he came to we had a lengthy talk that ended up in the dreams of future and grandchildren, when not even the wedding plans are made... But we're in love, we're allowed to dream of the future... We talked to Selene and Mokuba, we invited my parents to dinner, and everything was perfect... The kids were ecstatic at the prospect of a baby, and my parents were happy enough... Well my Dad did ask Seto if he wanted to marry me just because of the baby, but we explained that he asked me to marry him long before I was even pregnant. That calmed my Dad down. I was content and I was happy, I was going to have a family of my own, with the man I loved more then my life..._

_I should have known that for me, life is never what it seems. The next day I was finally ready to face my friends. I called Yugi, he was so happy to hear from me. I asked him to call the others and meet me in a little diner, across the Game Shop in two hours. I came early, Seto dropped me off and then drove to KaibaCorp., he would come when I called him. Five minutes later, Yugi and Joey were there and as they embraced me and told me how happy they were to see me, I had the strength to tell them the truth. In the next ten minutes everyone else had arrived, Tristan Duke, Mai, Rebecca, even Serenity and the Ishtars. Yugi had really called everyone. Joey waved a hand at my comment and said that Yugi wanted to call the Kaiba brothers, they saw in the news that he's back, but they also saw that he had come with a woman, so they didn't want to disturb anything. I thanked the god for that hat, shawl and sunglasses. They even asked if I had run into Seto in New York, but I was indirect in my answers. Nobody really noticed, well aside from Duke and Mai who were looking rather skeptically at me._

_But Seto was fast forgotten and we turned to discussing more 'important things' as Joey had put it. We really talked about everything, how it was in New York, what they had done in the last years, and I felt happy to have my friends back, I had been afraid they would be angry at me. Then came the difficult topic. I told them that I have fallen in love. They all cheered, and I think Joey even winked in Yugi's direction. I'm neither blind nor an idiot, I know that Yugi has harbored a crush on me for the longest time, but he would never be the right one for me._

_They had all started asking questions who it is, but I wouldn't say, till Mai decided that they could ask indirect question and try to guess from my answers. I agreed to that, Mai would be asking the questions. First she asked if they knew him, the answer was positive, when she asked if he was one of the guys present I have said no, when she said if he was a friend, I again said no. That had gotten them to think. Mai then asked if they knew him longer and I said yes. To the question where he comes from I said Domino, where he is, again Domino. Joey had even started listing all the guys we knew. I had almost wet myself when he came to Seto's name, but then he laughed and waved it off, but Mai had a strange look in her eyes._

_I had excused myself and gone to the bathroom, calling Seto and asking him to be there in ten minutes, he promised and I had returned to my friends. I then decided to tell them how met my mystery guy in New York after so many years, how we started spending time together and finally how he asked me to marry him. I told them about arriving back here and finding out that I was pregnant. They all congratulated and didn't ask questions when I told them that he would be there any minute. Then Joey started talking how funny it was to see Seto on TV after such a long time, and just as he was about to talk about 'the girl' he brought back form America, Seto came in._

_I was so scared when they all saw him, but as Joey laughed and he and Tristan invited Seto over to our table to greet me I lost some of my tension. It seemed that they had forgotten about my fiancée. Yugi asked Seto what he was doing there, and Seto answered that he was supposed to meet his girlfriend, but the right time hasn't come, it seems. They didn't mull long over his answer, but instead started asking about my fiancée. Then Joey asked when the guy was finally coming and Seto, being Seto, just said: "You're sitting across him, Mutt." Joey didn't have the time to yell at him for calling him Mutt, when the table turned to stare at me. I could just laugh and shrug._

_What then happened was a pure nightmare. Yugi looked like I had punched him in the face, Joey and Tristan slowly turned red, Serenity looked at me like I grown a second head, Duke raised an eyebrow, the Ishtars whispered among themselves. I felt someone squeeze my hand and looked at Mai who smiled warmly at me and wished me all the luck in the world. I guess I really needed it. Yugi had turned away from me, Joey was yelling, Tristan was shaking his head and then Seto stood up, took my hand and brought me up with him. I took out a few envelopes from my bag and threw them on the table, telling them that they were invited to the wedding, sobbing quietly and just wishing to go home. Seto and I left just as Mai had started to yell at the others._

_Finally home I locked myself in our bedroom and cried the day away. Sometimes in the evening, I have started feeling cramps in my stomach but was far too exhausted to pay it any mind. I just remember Seto slipping in the bed and telling me everything would be alright. The next morning I woke up and the sheets were drenched in blood, my stomach hurt like hell and I couldn't move at all. I had somehow managed to wake Seto, and I remember his horrified face. The next hour or so was a blur. I know that I woke up briefly and saw many faces around me, before falling unconscious again._

_I woke up he next day and found Mokuba, my parents, Selene, Seto, even Isis and Mai around my bed. Seto's back was turned as he stared out the window. Dad went over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. As he turned to face me his eyes were swollen and red-rimmed, his voice dull as he asked if I was ok. When I had nodded weakly, he turned away again I started crying softly. I felt Mom and Selene's arms around me, Mai and Mokuba held my hands and Isis and my Das sat down next me, just Seto stayed with his back turned. When I had managed to ask about the baby everyone stiffened. My Mom cried and told that I lost it, Selene said that it had been a boy. I called Seto's name, but he hung his head and left the room. The next hours were horrible for me, I just wanted to leave that place and be back with Seto, even if I knew that he would never forgive me for losing our son. I needed him so badly._

_Things didn't get better even when I returned to the mansion. I didn't see Seto all day; he would leave for the office long before I woke up and return when I was long sleeping. When we did manage to see each other he would lower his gaze and speak only when I asked something... I wasn't angry at him, I understood that he just couldn't look at me, but it still hurt..._

_Then today he came in the bedroom just as I was coming out of the bathroom, having taken a shower. He looked at me and I couldn't help but start crying. I expected him to look away or to leave the room, but he came and took me in his arms. When I stiffened he sighed and said: "I know you now hate me, but I need you Anzu, I need you so much..." I looked up at him, almost asking what he meant when he started talking again. "It's my fault that our son is gone, I know that you don't want to look at me, I understand, I hate myself too, but Anzu I'd die without you..."_

_I gasped and hugged him tightly, telling him that I never blamed him that it was my fault and I understood if he hated me. He had kissed me then and laughed saying how silly we were, blaming ourselves and thinking the other did it as well, instead of trying to talk about it. We have already lost our son; we shouldn't lose each other as well._

_Our love is strong, and I believe that it'll help us overcome this, together..._

Oh my god... I had no idea... I could've had a big brother... No wonder Mom said that it was a mistake for them to return to Japan. If they hadn't Mom wouldn't have had to face her friends, they wouldn't have hurt her and wouldn't have lost the baby. It all their fault! I hate them! It's probably because of them that Mom had to die, too!

I'll never forgive them! They took my Mommy from me!

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**So please tell me what you think, **

**Jas**


	14. Finally a Bright Side

**Chap. 13: Finally a Bright Side**

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**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the characters. I do own the plot of his story and Sakura and Selene Kaiba who are the children of my own imagination.

**Pairings: **Seto & Anzu; Mokuba & Selene; ?? & Sakura (later on)

**Main POV: **Sakura Kaiba, Anzu Kaiba (diary entries)

* * *

I came home, feeling slightly depressed over the whole thing that happened to Mom and Dad, and _very _angry at Mom's so called friends. They're at fault, for everything that happened. Damn two-faced hypocrites!

Once again, I felt the need to let Mom explain what I couldn't even begin to understand and started turning over the pages, sill going up the stairs, not bothering to stop, I just wanted my room right now.

After the last entry I read, a sheet of paper slipped lightly out and I saw that it was the usual paper my Dad's documents and contracts were on. Now intrigued, I took the paper out and scanned it. It was nothing official, no it was a letter, a letter from Dad to Mom, just that it was written after her death. I walked up the stairs as I read the letter to myself, voice low.

_"Why can't I just say what I feel for you? I try all the time, but it seems that words can't describe the pain in my heart. We are so far away from each other, but I can see you right before my eyes – so beautiful, so full of life – and all mine._

_I really don't have words to say what your death did to me. It killed me from the inside; it took my heart and my soul. I can still feel you beside me, Anzu, I can still hear your heart beating. Sometimes I wake up and I think that you lay right beside me; I dream so often of you that the reality is sometimes lost to me. But it's good that way, the reality is painful and so, so lonely. _

_My life has become nothing but memories and dreams. Your photographs keep me over the water, and the love for our daughter keeps me alive. You cannot begin to imagine what it was to live without you, when for years you have been my life. _

_Anzu, what is life without the other half of your soul? What is life without your heart? Nothing, nothing at all._

_I know I should be thankful, I have so many things in my life and I have people who love me, but it all loses importance compared to a life with you. If I could choose, I would give all of this up for a lifetime with you and our child. I don't have to be rich, I don't have to be famous, i don't even to be genius, and I just need you._

_I cannot even think straight anymore, Anzu, this pain is eating me away._

_Why didn't God take me? Why did he have to kill you? It's not fair. _

_I love you, my beautiful little Angel, my cheerleader, my everything._

_Rest in Peace beloved wife, mother, daughter, sister. We'll always love you._

_Seto Kaiba" _

Ah, Daddy, I know what you mean. Now finally I know what it was that made you love Mom so entirely and unconditionally, the fact that she returned the sentiment tenfold, and never asked for anything else. Selene even told me once how Mom balanced everything, the household, the spent money, everything. She did a lot of housework herself. I've never done something like that. Selene's more of my mother's daughter then I. I'm just a spoiled little girl, who is used to getting her way... Am I even worthy to call myself my mother's daughter? I would have become a better person if I could have had her.

Meanwhile I've reached my room. I threw myself on my bed and opened the next entry. Mom is always able to get things off my mind. Let's see what's been going on.

_**February, 15;**_

_Wow, I'm... I'm... I'm married! I can't seem to grasp the idea completely, yet. I'm really Kaiba Seto's wife... Wow... Just wow..._

_Yesterday had been the wedding, on Valentine's Day... Mai and I sure know what we're doing when we sit to plan something._

_Oh, God, the planning... What a month this last has been... Seto was urging me to start making plans for the wedding, Mai was still trying to beat some sense into the guys, and I almost committed homicide one afternoon._

_I was out with Mai, and have returned home with a fresh Starbucks cup of their best latte, looking forward to snuggling up with Seto and watching a movie. I entered the den and my coffee hit the floor._

_There stood my Seto, looking positively ready to blow his top, and Serenity Wheeler trying to kiss him!_

_I swear I saw red at that time. My temper is not something to be taken lightly and when provoked it's very damaging._

_So I walked up, grabbed the hussy by her hair and all but threw her against the nearest wall. Then I proceeded to yell my lungs out at her._

_She started apologizing, but I saw right through it. When I told her just that she became angry. She started ranting about how it wasn't fair I always got everything, that her brother trusted me more then her, that Mai spent more time with me, that Yugi always goes to me, and even Tristan and Duke, though always fighting about her, turn to me in everything, and then I have come and taken the guy she wanted since she knew him._

_Not my fault Seto liked me better that was my answer, for that. Not my fault the guys think of me as one of them, not my fault Mai finds it more interesting to talk about grown-ups stuff, then forever listening to little girl's whining around. I know that I was harsh, but for Ra's sake, nobody takes what is mine!_

_I have slapped her across the face and thrown her out, saying she better stay away from Seto or she can start counting the days she has been living._

_I really have to drink less coffee..._

_Needless to say that I was pissed the rest of the day and that nothing Seto said or did made it better, and he did say a lot. He started with reasoning, that made me angrier, then apologizing, which made me even more angry, then yelling at me and that resulted in one of my black heels meeting his forehead. He could've ducked the doofus!_

_I don't feel guilty! I don't feel guilty at all, that he has a lemon sized bump on the centre of his forehead... Yeah, I'm having a hard time convincing myself..._

_But anyway, after that disaster I threw myself into planning that wedding, I wanted everything to be perfect. Mai and I did most of the planning, and arguing around with the catering services, the musicians, the blah blahs... We decided on a small catering service, that wasn't well known, or often seen in the high society, but that was the best decision we made. The owner and chef cook was a very nice woman, maybe Mai's age and she was all over herself for the opportunity to cater such a big event as our wedding. Mai hired a band whose lead guitarist was a good friend of hers, and I have to say that they play great, I even think Seto might just find them a contract for KaibaCorp._

_Finding the dresses had been an adventure in itself, we a whole day and went all around Tokyo till we finally found it, my perfect wedding gown. It was made for me. The top was a strapless corset, made of satin, and covered in flower motives of tiny pearls, the skirt was full, made of three layers, but it wasn't heavy, and it fit me just right, with a pair of wrist length satin glows, a pair of lacquered ballet shoes, and a tiara with a sheer fabric that reached several feet behind me. It did cost a small fortune, but Seto gave me his black card and said that all it mattered was that I liked it._

_In the same boutique we found the brides-maid's dresses. Mai as my maid of honor, got a deep wine colored strapless dress with a full skirt, made out of shinning satin, my other brides-maids, Isis, Selene and Miho got red, off-shoulder sleeved dresses that just reached under their knees. Mokuba was Seto's best man and they had already taken care of their tuxedos, knowing that the main color would be red and buying red cummerbunds._

_And then the Big Day finally came, though that by the time the ceremony was about to start, both Seto and I had been ready to kill the next person who uses that term. But everything was perfect, well regarding the reception anyway, it seems that the drama that is my life wouldn't lie off even as I was getting ready to recite wedding vows with my future husband, but let's start from the beginning._

_My parents wouldn't give up the idea of a church wedding, even if neither of us were catholic, but seeing as they wouldn't give up anytime soon (they are MY parents), Seto and I decided to go for it, why the hell not? We would have a movie wedding. And we really would, I'm still not sure such things were meant to happen in real life._

_Anyway, on February 14, my mother decided that 6 a.m. was enough sleep for us, came over and separated us, all the time talking about how it was bad luck if Seto sees me before the ceremony. She didn't have a clue about my New York acquired addiction to coffee and dragged me to the church without allowing me my first cup. Let's just say that it hadn't been a good idea. Five minutes into the ride to the church I have become more then cranky, and after snapping at her every time she opened her mouth, I got out at the first Starbucks be drove by and bought myself three large cups of steaming hot goodness. First after I had gotten through all of them have I been able to talk like a normal person._

_At the church all of them were fussing over me, at seven a.m. even if the ceremony didn't start till noon. At ten am I was already in my dress, my hair and make-up were done and was asking myself why the hell we had to begin so early. But I understood as the photographer came demanding pictures of the bride, the groom, the maids, the family, of simply everything._

_At eleven thirty a.m. the church was filling with guests and all I wanted at that moment was to get it over with. _

_Second right on noon Mai, Selene and Isis made their way down the aisle, while I waited behind the closed doors with my father. Finally the wedding march begun playing and doors opened. I took the first steps, clutching my father's arm tightly as butterflies danced around my stomach. I had looked over the audience with a big and glorious smile, wanting to take them all in my arms, to share my happiness with them all, to tell them all just how much I loved that gorgeous man waiting for me at the altar._

_He looked like a young god standing there, with his chocolate head held proudly, sapphire orbs gleaming with happiness, hands clasped in front of himself, lips stretched in the half-smile, half-smirk I loved so much. Behind him Mokuba was beaming at the audience, and Mai, Isis, Miho and Selene's eyes along with Seto's were glued on me._

_We reached the steps and my father took my hand, kissed my cheek and gave my hand Seto. We stood there, looking at each other holding hands and waiting for the ceremony to begin. The priest begun the introduction, but I didn't hear a word he said; I was too lost in Seto's eyes. First as he averted his gaze from mine did I look at the priest as he asked the first important question: "Do you Mazaki Anzu take this Kaiba Seto as your lawfully wedded husband, to love and cherish in good and bad times, through them all?"_

_I locked eyes with Seto and smiled before answering with a strong and sure, "I do." _

_The priest turned to Seto and asked him the same question: "Do you Kaiba Seto take this Mazaki Anzu as your lawfully wedded wife, to love and cherish in good and bad times, through them all?"_

_Through the question Seto's eyes never left mine and his smile was big and genuine as he answered with soft but sure, "I do."_

_The priest looked over the audience and asked a question that almost ruined our wedding: "If there is anyone with a good reason these two shouldn't be bound by the holly strings of marriage, may they speak now, or forever hold their peace."_

_Neither Seto nor I paid the question much attention, knowing that it was part of the ceremony, but then a commotion in the audience drew our attention from the other._

_We turned in time to see Joey stand up, despite Marik who was trying to keep him seated. His eyes were glaring at Seto as he opened him mouth. But before he could say a word, Mai was already there, slapping him across the head and leaving Marik to drag him out._

_People looked like Joey had just killed someone, many of the society ladies that came with their husbands who either worked for or with Seto were whispering to themselves and my father looked like he could murder Joey any minute, not that Seto's icy glare said anything else. I knew that I was crying first when Seto brushed the tears from my face._

_The priest cleared his throat, and turned our attention back to the ceremony. Everything else went without problems, Seto and I exchanged our vows and rings and as we kissed the crowd went crazy with applause._

_We went out of the church and a clerk cleared his throat before shouting to the large crowd of people, including a bunch of journalists:_

_"I now announce you, for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Seto Kaiba."_

_The reception went well enough, Seto didn't let me out of his sight all night and I was glad, seeing how Joey was there and didn't look all too thrilled. I heard him shouting at Marik, and then my Dad threw him out, before Seto or even Marik could make a scene and punch him._

_Mai was apologizing half the time for making him come, the others made a short appearance before Seto and me and I swear I saw Yugi scoff as Mokuba and Mai made their speeches, but other then that everything went well. Seto and I left early, but I learned later from my mother that the rest stayed till the early morning hours. Seto and I let for the honeymoon right away and it's only been a few hours since we checked in this incredible hotel in the middle of Paris, I still can't believe he took me to Paris._

_Oh, I think this was by far my longest entry, geez I got so lost in my memories I just wrote without being aware I was doing it._

_I better go now, Seto should wake up soon, and we want to go grab some dinner before going out to some clubs. He decided to let lose for once, his reasoning was; "You get married only once, why not enjoy it, before you realize to what hell you subjected yourself as you decided to tie the knot." I never knew him to be one for jokes and I didn't appreciate this kind of joke at all. _

_Well, he's waking up and I better go shower before he uses all the hot water again._

_Till the next entry._

Wow, I mean wow. I don't know what to say, but I do know that the next time I see Joey he's dead man. That jerk!

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**AN: Few! I thought I'd never finish this; it was so hard to write, I re-wrote at least a hundred times.**

**I'm sorry that it took me so long to update, but I have some good reasons: My twins are born! I still can't believe I really went through all of that, the labor was PAINFUL! Then the post-birth bleeding didn't want to stop, and generally it's not easy having to take care of two screaming kids who seem to do everything together. I mean when Sara screams she's hungry, two minutes later Tarik will do the same. His diaper are full, hers are too... Add to all that a husband who works all day, two over-protective new grandmothers, my grandparents, his grandparents and every other relative, plus our beyond crazy friends...**

**Please tell me what you think,**

**Jas**


	15. Little Girl, Don't Cry

**Chap. 14: Little Girl, Don't Cry**

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**Disclaimer: **I do not nor have I ever owned Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of the characters. I do own the plot of his story and Sakura and Selene Kaiba who are the children of my own imagination.

**Pairings: **Seto & Anzu; Mokuba & Selene; ?? & Sakura (later on)

**Main POV: **Sakura Kaiba, Anzu Kaiba (diary entries)

* * *

_**October, 19;**_

_Today on a rainy October exactly at 4:03 in the morning, you opened your twin skies my beautiful little angel. You can't imagine how happy I am to hold you in my arms, my daughter. You're everything my beloved Seto and I have been hoping for and more. We've been married over two years now and have almost lost hope in a child when I found myself living through all the symptoms once again. We've been afraid took at the pregnancy test, but I'm grateful we did. You're now here, little girl, after almost twelve hours of pain and fear. I love you my little baby girl, I love you more then life itself._

_You were crying when they laid you in my arms, you wouldn't stop, but then I took your small hand and whispered, "Little girl, don't cry. I love you." You quieted instantly my little angel and stared at me with you big, big blue eyes as if you were asking, "Will you always love me?" I will, baby, I'll always love you, you're the light of my life, the center of my universe, you're my everything._

_We'll all love you, your Daddy; that incredibly proud man that looks at you with tears in his beautiful eyes; me; your Mommy, you're Uncle Mokuba, your Auntie Selene, your Grandma and your Grandpa. You can always count on us, little girl, we'll hold your hand; we'll protect you, so close your eyes and sleep._

_Sakura, Sakura is your name, my baby. Your Daddy picked that name; saying to other would suit his little Cherry Blossom more._

_He's holding you now, you feel safe and warm in his embrace I can see it in your smile. You feel cherished and protected, loved by that man you depend on to always be there for you and for me too._

_Maybe I won't always be there, little girl, but your Daddy would sooner destroy the world then let you feel pain. I don't feel strong enough to live as long as I'd want, little girl, I fear I won't have my biggest wish, to see you grow up, but maybe the gods will have mercy and grant me a bit of happiness..._

_I love you, little girl, don't cry..._

And yet I can't stop. I love you, too Mommy. I miss you so much. I want to hear your voice again, I want to see your smile, and I want to feel your love for me...

I want you to hold me Mommy, I want you to caress my hair and tell me not to cry, to close my eyes and sleep.

I want to feel safe, warm, cherished and loved in your embrace...

But most of all I want to look into your eyes and tell how much I love you, Mommy.

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**AN: It's very short, I'm sorry. This story is drawing to an end, left are two to three more chapters and a sort of epilogue that will come as a separate one-shot.**

**I thank you all for being with this story and me so long.**

**I'll wait for your reviews.**

**Love,**

**Jas **


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